is a long distance relationship ever worth the heartache?

Long-distance relationships can be either entirely awful or decadently awesome, depending on who you talk to and the experiences they?ve had.

You rarely hear of a middle ground, a long-distance relationship that was just ?okay? ? if the relationship doesn?t work well, there?s often not enough reason to continue in the direction of potential heartbreak.

A long-distance relationship requires maintaining a level of trust and intimacy that either works well for both parties and serves to strengthen the bond between them, or doesn?t work at all and results in everything falling apart in a screaming, pining heap.

There are very few women who would actively seek out a long-distance, long-term love affair. After all, why on earth would you do that to yourself? In comparison to a ?normal? relationship, the extra benefits are few.

But the positives that do present themselves when maintaining such a partnership are powerful and, speaking from personal experience, can be well worth the effort invested.

Having been very much in love with a man who lives 800 kilometres away for the last six months or so, I can testify that it?s not all bad, and definitely not as difficult as you might think. While the term ?pining? has now become a regular part of my vocabulary, I?ve found that the old adage of absence making the heart grow fonder is very much based in truth.

Without constant access to one another, my partner and I thoroughly enjoy the time we do spend together. We get roughly four days a month in each other?s company, and as a result of that, every minute we spend together is something we make the most of. Six months in, and that ?butterflies in the stomach? feeling is still very much alive. We simply don?t see each other enough for it to wear off.

We talk every night on the phone, meaning that we have officially spent more time talking than fucking in the ?honeymoon? stage of our relationship ? not something that would have happened had we lived within driving distance of one another.

The success of a long-distance relationship may be based, at least partially, in the communicative abilities of the couple involved. A certain amount of jealously and anxiety is almost unavoidable in most relationships, and especially in those conducted over a distance.

It can be difficult to work through that when you can?t physically interact with your partner, when having a face-to-face conversation is impossible. It requires bare honesty and an ability to be understanding, even when you don?t want to be.

All of that lovely prose and positive energy aside? some days, it just sucks. Not being able to get a cuddle when you?ve had a bad day is horrible. Feeling as though you may actually be in a relationship with your vibrator is worse. Worrying that not only may that spark between yourself and your partner disappear, but that it may have already gone and you just haven?t seen them recently enough for that to be evident? that?s torture.

Given all those factors, it?s no surprise that long-distance relationships get a particularly bad rep for being awful. But I can testify to the awesome, too. And in reality, a long-distance relationship may just be unavoidable.

You don?t choose who you fall in love with. Or how far away they live.

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// CONTRIBUTOR

Lori Dwyer :: Relationship Columnist

Lori always thought she was common-or-garden variety normal. She?s sure that, for a while there, she was. Her life has been good fun. She studied to be a social worker, and that didn?t work out; so she ran away to be a clown, and that did work out. At twenty five years old (just the perfect age! Right??) she met the love of her life. His name was Tony, and in the space of five years they graduated with honors, having bought a house, moved in to it, became engaged, got hitched and had two gorgeous kids in very quick succession. Her blog Random Ramblings of a Stay at Home Mum, began in The Purple House, in the time of the Purple Before, when God was in his heaven and all was right with the world. On the sixth of January, 2011 everything changed? and nothing has quite been right since. Her best mate, her husband, suffered a sudden and violent psychosis that resulted in him taking his own life, in her Purple backyard, whilst she and her youngest child watched on. Don?t worry? she never really knows what to say after that, either. I guess if you want to know more, the RRSAHM Mental Health page is the best place to start.

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Source: http://gaynoralder.com/2013/07/14/is-a-long-distance-relationship-ever-worth-the-heartache/

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